Confused…

Have you ever had one of those moments where you were just confused?

Not able to move forward because the world keeps shifting under your feet? Every day has too much new information – too much is changing?

That is my life these days.

A friend told me she thought the craziness of my birthday was just a warning shot across the bow. I hate it when she is right. The week has been… eventful to say the least. It isn’t that the change is bad or good – it is just that it is change. Change brings stress. And in my world stress usually bring migraines… or cravings for Goldfish crackers.

I could take the easy way out and insist that the Universe is trying to tell me something – but I can’t. Because I believe that we create the pattern – draw the connections – link the actions and then call it fate, karma, synchronicity or divine intervention.

I believe in a random universe.

As much as we try to find patterns in the world around us – I think we are simply interpreting arbitrary unconnected events. Trying to find meaning and comfort for ourselves.

Not feeling a lot of comfort these days.  

I also believe that all forms of divination are a method for people to feel that they have some insight and control over this random universe of ours – but that is a whole different post.

Confusion…

So I’m here – following thoughts to their conclusion, researching strands to develop an understanding of events, and unable to pull meaning from any of it. Don’t we all want our life to have meaning? To have contributed to something – a child, an idea, a business, a cause?

I feel very disconnected, but strangely not unsure.

Today decisions were made. An ending and a beginning. One does not replace the other – they are not the same thing nor were they ever connected except by time. You cannot read purpose into coincidence.

There is a shift – I liked where I was. And although I don’t dislike this new place it is not yet comfortable… because the change also brought more uncertainty.

I can know where I am, or where I am going, but I can’t know both.

~ Tess Anderson

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