The Magic…

I’m still trying to find the magic.

That is probably a problem in and of itself. When I was a stage actor, every once in awhile, I’d have an amazing night. The next night it would be hard not to focus on recreating that wonderful night instead of focusing on the job at hand.

You can’t go back.

I’m wondering if that is my problem right now. It seems that every time I write a short story I am starting from the beginning. Not the beginning of the story – but like I’ve never written anything before. Never completed anything before. Each work unfolds in its own way – in its own time – and none of them take the same path.

A part of me wants to feel what I felt over Labor Day again.

The 3-Day Novel Writing Contest was the most amazing writing experience I’ve ever had. It eclipsed how I felt when I sold my first short story. Afterwards I was exhausted, drained of words, and exuberantly happy. I was also distracted by other commitments in my life so after I recovered I couldn’t give up days to writing.

Now I can – but I love my blogs. I love the feeling of posting every day – of producing content and publishing it. I also love the idea that there is no filter. It is just me – my thoughts – my words – and my audience.

So I’m trying to figure out how to balance all of this. I have an idea – one that scares me a little because it feels crazy. But often the crazy ideas are the best. The only thing is that I never seem to put it into practice. Something always conflicts.

The sane part of me thinks I should just learn how to shift from article writing in the morning, to fiction writing in the afternoon. The insane part of me wants a day – like the days that I took to write “Any Man’s Death” – days where I turned off the phone, the email, and did nothing but write.

Dream on, right?

I can dream. But I think I’m caught in the dream and forgetting the reality of the situation. The reality is that I’ve committed to my blogs – and providing content five days a week – I’ve also committed to writing stories. And once again I’ve put myself in the position of having to learn how to write all over again.

So I’m going to keep working on the practical angle – even while I dream of leaving the world behind and drowning in story. I need to give up the dream, stop focusing on the past, and figure out how to live in my present.

Wow, writing is a lot like life, isn’t it?

~ Tess Anderson


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