I was going to write “Rituals Part II” today.
Talking about the things the I’ve decided are of importance in the year to come – but last night I was reading Yoga Journal and I changed my mind.
I’m really good at living in the future rather than in the present and I don’t think I’m alone. Granted part of my future focus is that I always have a plan. I always have some idea where I’m going. But having a plan and living in the future are unfortunately not mutually exclusive – as I’ve found out.
Sometimes you can spend so much time planning for the future you forget about the present.
Remember when we were children and dreamed of all the wonderful things we would get to do, get to be, when we became adults? I’m not sure I ever grew out of that. I’m always thinking of where and what I could be next.
It could just be a surfeit of imagination or laziness (depends on if you want to spin it or not *grin*). I’m not sure.
Something in Yoga Journal gave me pause. It was an interview with Lilias Folan about her nearly 50 years of yoga practice – including a syndicated PBS series Lilias! Yoga and You. Near the end of the interview she spoke of the good advice she received early in her practice.
“Don’t hold on to the fruits of your actions.”
As I said, it gave me pause, because it is something that I struggle with. Not here, in the blog, as much as with my fiction writing. There I grow attached to possible outcomes.
Each time I send off one of the children of my imagination I have, in my head, the outcome I desire. The publishing industry moves at a glacial pace and there is a huge gap between sending off a piece and receiving any feedback from it. A part of me keeps waiting. Waiting to hear, waiting for publication, waiting for the check.
Sometimes I get trapped in the in-between. In that moment of waiting, of living in the future, of imagining that one of my pieces will become the tipping point between struggle and success.
After reading the interview I realized that I needed to give up. Let go of my future. It will come – no matter how much I plan – filled in equal parts with the expected and unexpected.
All I can do is sit here and practice every day. Write and submit and write some more. Only by committing to my writing, and not the outcome, will I find success.
~ Tess Anderson