Miles to go…

I’m having trouble sleeping.

I have no idea how long this has been going on. Every night I wake up. If I’m lucky it is once, if not then it is constant.

The first clue that this has become a problem is my cat, Minerva. She usually sleeps on me or against me. Since the beginning of the year she has moved to the bottom of the bed. She is a very persistent personality so I’m sure it’s taken her quite awhile to change her habits.

How long?

Yesterday my lack of sleep, the restlessness and the strange dreams combined to make it a very weird day. I should have stayed home so as not to inflict myself on others but I didn’t have a choice so I went out and probably negatively impacted a lot of people. Thank goodness for my girl friends. They took me out for drinks. It helped. I came home took a melatonin and thought things would be better.

Last night was worse.

Last night it felt like I didn’t sleep at all. I was restless and my brain kept going a million miles an hour. It used to be that when I was like this it was over something at work – but now it is all stories, dreams, fantasies, and delusions. My mind is filled with the strangest thoughts and at night they try to escape from me. No one would want to live in the worlds that I experience when I dream yet they are not nightmares.

I promised myself that if I felt that incredible restlessness I would get up and write. But that didn’t happen. It was a low level night. A constant buzz of dreamscapes but I always felt like I had a chance of falling asleep, but then I would wake up.

The thing is, years ago when I had horrible insomnia I did a bunch of research and changed a lot of my habits. Bed is for bed, it is quiet, cool, and I only sleep there. I used to read in bed for hours on end but I read that can be counterproductive for an insomniac. I stopped drinking caffeine late in the day, don’t drink right before bed, and created a ritual to help my body move from waking to sleeping.

But it’s been years since I had that kind of insomnia….funny I didn’t notice this happening besides this is different.

As long as I don’t have another day like yesterday I think I’ll be fine – but I wonder what is causing this. I don’t remember ever dreaming like this, even as a child. Sometimes there are hundreds of images and stories in a night that I flip through none of them a repeat.

I’m not sure what to do because deep down I wonder if this is a byproduct of releasing my imagination and I am afraid of what might happen if I try and squelch it.

The logical part of me is telling me that I need good sleep!  

I usually go for the logic – so melatonin, no alcohol, and yoga for relaxation before bed. I’m feeling really ambitious I’ll add in some meditation or breathing exercises.

And if that doesn’t work…. *shrug* I’ll just write about it.

~ Tess

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