I’m an idiot!

The Desperate Man, Gustave Courbet

Okay, maybe just tired, exhausted, and out of my mind with fatigue.

You get the picture.

It shouldn’t have been a surprise when I woke up this morning to the cries of my cat, Minerva. She missed me, I guess, enough to start trying to wake me up from 5:30 am on. This after getting home at midnight and not getting to sleep until 1. I did the passive aggressive thing and stayed in bed not moving. It didn’t work. Minerva kept up the crying until around 8 am then she curled up with me just as it became apparent I really needed to get up.


Once again not a lot of sleep.

But I was talking about being an idiot.

Last week my windshield wipers stopped working. I’m not talking about the blades going bad – the motor died. It’s done this before and each time it came back to life. No such luck Tuesday night last week.

You can’t live in Portland without windshield wipers, it just isn’t possible.

Called my car guys and scheduled to take the car in while I was out of town. They called with the bill. OUCH! Apparently this is a labor intensive job and Saturn parts have doubled in cost because Saturn doesn’t exist anymore.

So this morning, after almost no sleep, I got ready to walk to the car guys to pick up my car. I filled my pockets with everything I would need and walked out the door. It is about 2 miles to the shop a lovely walk through a couple of parks. Trees were blooming, birds out singing, and every thing right with the world.

That was until I got to the counter and put my hand in my pocket for my wallet.

I had left it at home.

You know you are really tired when you can’t find enough energy to get angry at yourself. They are my car guys, thank goodness, and have been taking care of me and my cars for years. They’ve outlasted one husband and several boyfriends.

I offered my cell phone as ransom so I could take the car and drive home for my wallet. They laughed and reminded me that they knew where I lived and told me to come right back.

When I got home I poured myself another cup of coffee before heading back out.

The thing is, I’m starting to feel like those people I used to despise. The ones who were always financially on the edge and something was always happening to them: car problems, cash flow, needy ex boyfriends, etc.

I know I’m poor, but I want it to be gentile poverty, where because of my brilliant planning and superior mind I can make it all work. From the outside I want it to seem effortless.

But this car thing has me worried. Many more of those expenses and I’m going to be in the suds. There are ways however. Once I knew a lot of them – now I simply need to remember and figure out new ones.   

Anyway – I’m too tired to write about anything else. Apparently my pathetic ability to be “detailed oriented” is completely reliant on getting good sleep – so forgive me there are more gaffs and dashes than usual.  

As Scarlett said, “Tomorrow is another day.”

~ Tess


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